The OCD Stories

In late November I had the honour of telling my story on the OCD Stories podcast, which hosted by the legendary Stu Ralph. Check it out!

Fair warning: it’s long-winded even by my usual standards. Also fair warning: I get a bit in the reeds about some of my OCD symptoms, which is something I’ve generally resisted. As ever, you’re welcome to ask me any questions: I’m an open book when it comes to mental health in general and OCD in particular, and I consider it a privilege to talk about my recovery in the hopes it’ll help someone with theirs.

Made of Millions

I did a thing the other night with a mental health advocacy group called Made of Millions. Check it out…and check me out, learning how to embed an Instagram post in WordPress! Who says you can’t teach an old dog new tricks?

View this post on Instagram

OCD advocate Stephen John’s discusses his experience with OCD recovery, and explains how he stays healthy

A post shared by Made of Millions Foundation (@madeofmillions) on Oct 27, 2020 at 4:06pm PDT

You’ll have to wait and see what’s next – but it should be coming shortly. Stay tuned!

btw

I should’ve mentioned this a couple weeks ago when it actually happened, but then I got snowed under at work and kept on forgetting. (The fact I kept on forgetting is telling in and of itself.) On February 5, some 16 months following our previous appointment, I saw Ze Good Doctor. The tl;dr version: the intake lasted longer the appointment itself, I remarked upon the view from his new office, we talked about the fact I’ve got a ticket to one of the EURO 2020 semi-finals at Wembley, and somewhere in there we agreed there was absolutely no need for me to go back on antidepressants and said goodbye once and for all. I’m not sure this qualifies as another termination, seeing as the ink was barely dry on my new intake before we parted ways – but it does qualify as an official end to our relationship.

I’m free. I’m officially free. And freedom tastes of reality.

One Year Antidepressant-Free

“One day the symptoms fade,
Think I’ll throw these pills away.”
– Pearl Jam, “Down”

I went off antidepressants one year ago today, on June 12, 2018.

The Closing of a Chapter

I’m still sort of reluctant to spill about my OCD, so I’ll keep this purposefully vague. Yesterday, at around 3:30 in the afternoon, I scored a major – in many ways decisive – victory over my stickiest intrusive thought. I’ve been recovered, to all intents and purposes, since late 2017, but there were still a couple hurdles left in front of me before I could more-or-less close that chapter for good.

I jumped over both of them. The other one fell at around 10:30 this morning. (Do hurdles fall? Let’s go with that.)

The Longest Break

I quit taking antidepressants 259 days ago, which makes this the longest I’ve been medication-free since…well, from when I was born until I started on antidepressants in 2007. I remain optimistic that this is permanent.

With luck, this’ll be the last time I blog about OCD-related medication. I’ll make note of the one-year anniversary of my withdrawal on June 12, but that’s it. I’m done with them, and for the foreseeable future I’m done writing about them too.

Six Months

I kicked antidepressants exactly six months ago.

Caribbean Lapse

I’m at the tail end of a moderate OCD lapse. Firstly, thanks. Secondly, yeah, it does suck. Thirdly, though, it is what it is: since OCD’s chronic I’m susceptible to flare-ups even when things are going great.

And things are going great! Like, “completely symptom-free” great. Things were so good I was able to listen to and enjoy a Soundgarden album (King Animal) for the first time since Chris Cornell’s death. And that’s what makes this lapse tolerable: the knowledge that I was there as recently as last week and that I’ll be there again shortly.

Terminated Again

Ze Good Doctor fired me. It’s a good thing! Let me explain – but first, some Who:

Three Months

I’ve been off antidepressants exactly three months, and so far, so good. So really good, for the most part.

At the risk of belabouring this point: I am not against antidepressants. They helped me get better; I’d start taking them again tomorrow if it were necessary. For now, though, it isn’t, and I’m hopefully done with them for a good, long while.