Ze Good Doctor fired me. It’s a good thing! Let me explain – but first, some Who:
And freedom tastes of reality
Where were we? Right: with me getting fired by another treatment provider. Most of you know I withdrew from antidepressants four months ago. Mine and Ze Good Doctor’s most recent meeting was in early July; then, he seemed pleased by my progress and told me to come back in three months. But when I walked into his office this morning I wasn’t sure what would happen. I had a mild OCD lapse last week and, as tends to happen, I overreacted – which, given the timing, included me seriously contemplating whether or not I should go back on medication despite overwhelming evidence that I shouldn’t.
I made this for Ze Good Doctor:
THE PROS AND CONS OF WITHDRAWING
As I said: overwhelming. But I tend to overreact to even the tiniest lapse, and I walked into this morning’s meeting willing to at least discuss going back on medication somewhere down the road.
Ze Good Doctor nipped that talk in the bud within 30 seconds. He reminded me (since apparently I need constant reminding) that these intrusive thoughts, despite being persistent and oftentimes unpleasant, are symptoms of OCD and, indeed, are universal; that I needed to work on accepting their continued presence; that it’s okay if every day isn’t a 10/10; and at the end of the appointment, that he’d see me in one or two years.
Not months. Years. And then he said he was formally discharging me.
I honestly never thought I’d get to this point; I certainly wouldn’t have dared to imagine it last May after my experiment with tapering went south. Now that I’m here, now that I’ve scored this massive personal achievement, I’m going to celebrate – then learn how to stop overreacting to minor lapses and how to love my brain, warts and all.
Thanks to every single one of you for helping me get here.