btw

I should’ve mentioned this a couple weeks ago when it actually happened, but then I got snowed under at work and kept on forgetting. (The fact I kept on forgetting is telling in and of itself.) On February 5, some 16 months following our previous appointment, I saw Ze Good Doctor. The tl;dr version: the intake lasted longer the appointment itself, I remarked upon the view from his new office, we talked about the fact I’ve got a ticket to one of the EURO 2020 semi-finals at Wembley, and somewhere in there we agreed there was absolutely no need for me to go back on antidepressants and said goodbye once and for all. I’m not sure this qualifies as another termination, seeing as the ink was barely dry on my new intake before we parted ways – but it does qualify as an official end to our relationship.

I’m free. I’m officially free. And freedom tastes of reality.

The Closing of a Chapter

I’m still sort of reluctant to spill about my OCD, so I’ll keep this purposefully vague. Yesterday, at around 3:30 in the afternoon, I scored a major – in many ways decisive – victory over my stickiest intrusive thought. I’ve been recovered, to all intents and purposes, since late 2017, but there were still a couple hurdles left in front of me before I could more-or-less close that chapter for good.

I jumped over both of them. The other one fell at around 10:30 this morning. (Do hurdles fall? Let’s go with that.)

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The Longest Break

I quit taking antidepressants 259 days ago, which makes this the longest I’ve been medication-free since…well, from when I was born until I started on antidepressants in 2007. I remain optimistic that this is permanent.

With luck, this’ll be the last time I blog about OCD-related medication. I’ll make note of the one-year anniversary of my withdrawal on June 12, but that’s it. I’m done with them, and for the foreseeable future I’m done writing about them too.

Caribbean Lapse

I’m at the tail end of a moderate OCD lapse. Firstly, thanks. Secondly, yeah, it does suck. Thirdly, though, it is what it is: since OCD’s chronic I’m susceptible to flare-ups even when things are going great.

And things are going great! Like, “completely symptom-free” great. Things were so good I was able to listen to and enjoy a Soundgarden album (King Animal) for the first time since Chris Cornell’s death. And that’s what makes this lapse tolerable: the knowledge that I was there as recently as last week and that I’ll be there again shortly.

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