I love a good phishing scam as much as the next guy…but to Mr. David Willson (sic), allegedly the external auditor of a well-known bank in the United Kingdom: come on. At least give me something plausible.
Instead, I get this. The bolded parts are awesome!
From: Mr.David Willson.
Address:70 Wigmore Street London W1U 2SF […which is the current location of Mint, an interior design store. Mr. Willson’s off to a shaky start.]
Occupations: External Auditor
Do accept my sincere apologies if my mail does not meet your personal ethics [this isn’t helping…] although, I wish to use this medium to get in touch with you first because it’s fastest means [what?]. I am an external auditor of a well known bank here in the United Kingdom.
In one of our periodic auditing I discovered a dormant account with holding balance of 100,000,000 (One Hundred Million British Pounds) which has not been operated for the past three years [and here we go!]. From my investigations and confirmations, the owner of this account, a foreigner by name Mr. Donald A. Peterson died in plane crash in July 19, 2003 and since then nobody has done anything as regards the claiming of this money because he has no family members who are aware of the existence of neither the account nor the funds. [Of course not–because when someone who’s amassed a personal fortune in excess of £100,000,000 dies, no one knows about it…especially not his immediately family.]
I have secretly discussed this matter with a top senior minister official of the federal ministry of finance here and we have agreed to find a reliable foreign partner to deal with us although due to his position he did not want to take active part but as soon as you follow my instructions everything will be successful because we will be working hand in hand with him. [They’re looking for a “reliable foreign partner” to disseminate a £100,000,000 fortune…and so they’re asking a twenty-eight-year-old history grad who’s working as a recruiter at a mid-sized Canadian university? This seems unlikely–but still, I’m willing to give Mr. Willson the benefit of the doubt. Let’s hear how he plans on doing this!]
We thus propose to do business with you, standing in as the next of kin of these funds from the deceased and after due legal processes have been followed the fund will be released to your account without delay and we will use it for investment and to assist the less privileged in the Society because if we left the fund with the government it will be fortified for nothing and will be used to suppress the poor masses in the society. [Ah.]
This transaction is totally free of risk and troubles [I don’t doubt it] as the fund is legitimate and does not originate from drug, money laundry, terrorism or any other illegal act. Finally, I will give you 40% for your corporation [that’s almost insulting], 10% will be for expenses both parties might have incurred during this process. On receipt of your response I will furnish you with detailed clarification as it relates to this mutual benefit transaction.
You should send me Your account information as states below where you like the money to be transfer so that i can send application for the release of the fund immediately with your account information. Even an empty account is ok.
State & Country……..
Your full name & office or Home address?
Your Company name.?
Your position in the company. ?
Your Telephone Nos. both
Your age. ?
Married or Unmarried ? [This next point’s probably redundant, but if you’re concocting an internet phishing scam shouldn’t you be striving to make it somewhat plausible? Is there a single person on earth who’d read this and go, “Hmm…y’know what, let’s send him my banking information and see what happens!” The answer, pathetically, is “probably.” There’s gotta be a reason these things keep on getting sent, right?]
You can Call me with my private Mobile number +44-7902793777, Lets talk about this business heart to heart. [I’m so tempted.]
I look forward to hear from you as soon as possible if you are interested.
Now…I’m inclined not to pursue Mr. Willson’s proposal. I am, however, open to suggestions–so if you read that E-mail and thought to yourself, “Y’know what? This might be a viable business venture!” then I’d encourage you to leave me a comment to that effect. We’ll talk.