You Call That a Knife? This is a Knife!

I was enjoying a lazy Saturday morning when a voice come down from upstairs.

“Steve!” It was my surrogate mother. “Do you drink coffee?”

I do drink coffee–and assuming some sort of free coffee was in the offing, went to see what was happening. Standing in the doorway was my surrogate mother…and she was wielding a knife.

Now…I don’t know what a knife has to do with me liking coffee, but there was no mistaking what was in her right hand. It wasn’t a small one, either, but (to paraphrase Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels) a big, fuck-off shiny knife that looked like it could skin a crocodile. And so I stayed put, and wearily observed every twitch of her right hand. She was offering me a free tin of coffee–which I sort of wanted, but which I wasn’t willing to come upstairs to fetch. Instead, I told her I didn’t have a working coffee maker (not true) and ended the conversation as quickly as possible. HLP Paul asked the obvious question: “What’s that got to do with coffee?” To which there’s no answer, of course–but as is so often the case with these people, not knowing is half the fun.


One thought on “You Call That a Knife? This is a Knife!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s