The Keep Kevin Alive Committee (which is pronounced “Kay-Kak and which does not, I repeat, does not, rhyme with the word “cack”) almost suffered irreperable harm tonight after Krusty the Klown (a.k.a. Daniel Alfredsson) scored an apparent non-goal for the Ottawa Senators. But the officials decided otherwise, and allowed the goal to stand; seconds later Kevin was on the phone and telling me, “I’m five minutes from the Heart Institute.” Good to know, Kevin–we’ll sign them up for KKAC in the morning.
In the meantime, Ottawa decided (too late?) to make a series of it with a 5-3 win* over the Anaheim Ducks. (* — This might not be the final score; right now there are seven minutes left in the third and…uh, I’ll get to in a second, actually.) The pivotal play might have occurred when Chris Pronger elbowed Dean McAmmond in the head and knocked him unconscious. No penalty was called; I guess the officials were too busy making sure Pronger’s stick didn’t brush against McAmmond’s jersey. But I’ll be astonished if Pronger doesn’t get suspended, and if he does…well, that’s a gaping hole on Anaheim’s blue line. You’ve gotta credit Ottawa for a gutsy win over a superior team. If Pronger gets suspended for any length of time, who knows what could happen?
Two related points:
- I can’t remember the last time I deliberately stopped watching a Stanley Cup Final game. It may never have happened before tonight; this, in my mind, is further evidence of the league’s ongoing decline.
- When I was watching tonight’s game I was tuning into the American feed because I couldn’t deal with Bob Cole’s homerism. Is it just me, or does he have a little, tiny orgasm every time he says the name “Spezza”? (By the way, you’ve just pictured Bob Cole’s “o” face; there’s a decent chance you’ll never experience sexual arousal again!) I won’t bother dwelling on tonight’s CBC crew, except to say that they were utterly shambolic.
And so KKAC lives to see another day! Still, for all our sakes, Kevin should probably stay in Ottawa for the rest of the finals. His future doctors will be aware of his exact whereabouts by 0800 hours tomorrow.