Guess Who’s Back

Todd Bertuzzi is currently making his first appearance in Denver since That Night in March 2004, which eventually turned into the most overblown sports-related story in recent memory. Frankly, I’m disappointed in the Colorado players. What ever happened to vigilante justice? Shouldn’t Joel Quenneville have gotten Ian Laperriere to fight one of the Sedin twins for no good reason? At least the fans are still booing whenever Bertuzzi gets on the ice. Just so we’re clear on this, Colorado fans will never forgive Bertuzzi…I mean, Toronto fans still boo Daniel Alfredsson whenever he touches the puck, and all he did was pretend to throw a stick into the crowd. (On a related note, did anybody else find it ironic that Alfredsson did this in Toronto of all places? Wasn’t that a bit like the scene in Bring it On where the football players are mocking the male cheerleaders, only for one of the cheerleaders to point out, “Guys, you lost,” and the football players being all confused? Gotta love Captain Marvelous. Yet I digress.) Remember when Tie Domi elbowed Scott Niedermeyer in the 2001 playoffs? New Jersey fans still haven’t forgiven him; I was actually at Domi’s first game back in East Rutherford, when his mere presence almost instigated riots in the stands. Compared to that game, these Avalanche fans are being positively genteel.

So: since Bertuzzi is officially beyond redemption in Colorado, why doesn’t he take it to the next level? For instance, if he scores tonight, what would happen if he skated past the Colorado bench and made a throat slashing motion? Can you imagine if he did this? Would the Pepsi Centre turn into the rink scene from Canadian Bacon? Would anybody wearing a Canucks jersey spontaneously combust? Vancouver still has to come to Denver three more times this season; can you imagine what the television ratings would be like for those games? In this “new” NHL I keep hearing about, I’m almost surprised the league hasn’t looked into this. The fact that I’m being at least 25% serious suggests that the NHL still has a ways to go to completely win me over again.

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