Shakespeare’s Guide to Hooking Up

Adam? Alex? This is for you:

To be, or not to be, that is the question:
Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles
And by opposing end them. To die–to sleep,
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to: ’tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish’d. To die, to sleep;
To sleep, perchance to dream–ay, there’s the rub:
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause–there’s the respect
That makes calamity of so long life.

(That’s from Hamlet, Act III scene i.)

My translation? “Boys, you are the masters and commanders of your own destinies. Tonight, as you embark on a quest for beauty, for love, ay for truth itself, I would that thou wouldst steel thine resolves against introspection and doubt–for they are the mighty arrows that would slay two knights as valiant thee. Go forth, and be bold in your endeavours! Dare to be brave, to dream–and to succeed! Let not fear and inhibition dictate the course of your actions, lest ye spend your night huddled in agony over a pint of beer in a dark, cold corner of an ale house. Make me proud.

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